Wednesday, June 10, 2009
A Vast Hell
I have a vest hell. My home. Usually people say the word "home" with love, affection, and place they can go to for comfort, safety, warmth, and protection. But I had my "home," probably because its not a real home. No its a vast hell. No its worse. Because in hell you get only one devil. When i go home I have two devil's waiting for me when I get "home." They never let me leave the house. They always wan me "home" where they can keep their frikkin eyes on me. I hate it, I am literally always being watched. I have no freedom at all. I hat it. Everytime I go out I always have to sneak out, but they always notice i'm gone eventually. Then I got real hell to face. Ouch! I just felt my mother slap me across the face. The times I lose and can't get out and am not even allowed to watch T.V. or go on the computer. What the fuck is the point of having those damn things in the house if no one can fuckin use them. All they want me to do is sit in my room. And pray. Or study for something. For a whole 18 hours. The rest 6 are for sleeping and eating. Problem is I am not the type of person to do that. I need options. I need flexibility. I need fresh air. But they are so dumb they dont get it. And I'm so sick of seeing their dumb faces and hearing their ugly voices. Just thinking about them almost ruins my whole day. That is why I learned to separate my vast hell life from my rea life. My personal life. My night life. Maybe if i didnt see them so much I could stop throwing things and breaking them. Maybe then the fighting could stop. Maybe I could stop cursig at them. Maybe I might actually try harder in school. Maybe just maybe I would be a little mor happier and not mind going out to places with them, cause I really hate going anywhere with them. And that is the only time they allow me to be out. God how I can't wait to get out of this vast hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I HAVE NO FAITH BUT I SHOULD
I have no faith, but i should. Many miracles have occured in my life, and i have experienced them first hand and yet i still do not believe. WHY is that? I dont even know. Maybe its because I'm too damn lazy. I have every reason to have hope and faith. My cousin is a miracle child. He was brought into this world even though the doctors told my aunt she couldnt have any more babies and he was not born head first. That right there is enough to make anyone believe. But not me. Then there was the time a robber stabbed my uncle straight in the back, and yet no damage. He was perfectly fine, ofcourse he was in pain and moved gingerly, but there was no real damage done. Then there was the time i was crossing the street and a car was charging right at me and somehow the driver was able to stop the car right before it hit me. There was literally a couple inches distance between us. Despite all these miracles and many more, i still do not believe. I dont know what it is about me but i guess i am just not the religious type. Oh well.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
How Did I Get Here?
Woke up feeling great, so great that i felt not so great. Told my mom I can't possibly go to school. She says too bad. Tell her I really can't and start crying and whining. Since she has to get to work and has no time to argue she reluctantly agrees. I felt kinda queezy that i got to stay home. I actually started to feel very sick. Palms sewaty, knees weak, arms heavy, felt like i was gonna throw up last night's spaghetti. So i dozed off for a while. Next thing i knew i was cruising in my firends car who was also "sick" and stayed home for the day. I had no idea how i ended up there. Everything before that moment in time was a complete and total blank. We were headed towards the mall. We walk into a store and i see alot of clothes i liked and wanted to buy, which made me mad and sad because i didnt have any money. I put my hands in my pockets and say "oh well." Then i suddenly felt something hard. Very hard. I wondered what it was to i pulled it out. I couldnt believe it. It was my wallet with $500 i won somewhere. But how did it end up there. I don't remember bringing it with me. But then again I dont remember much about this morning. I decided i wasn't gonna keep going over what i can't even remember and just go with it. I ended up blowing $480 on clothes and saved $20 for lunch. "Let's eat at McDonald's" I say. No response. I turn to look over at my right and left. I dont see my friend. I look behing me and still dont see him. And that's when i realized i hadn't seen my friend since we entered that first store. I was so caught up in all the fun and confusion of the situation I forgot all about him. I wondered if he had left me? Did I leave him? Did we just get separtaed in a large crowd? Did he go somewhere and tell me to wait for him? Where the heck is he? I sat down on a bench and tried hard to remember everything about this morning and when i was shopping. I look up and im sitting in McDonald's with a McChicken in my hand and two apple pies on my plate. How did I get here? "WOW!" I say to myself. This was by far the most confusing day of my life. Suddenly i felt sick again, like i did this morning and dozed off. Woke up and i was back in my friends car a block away from my house. I noticed all my bags were gone and so was my wallet. "WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I walk into my house up my room and open up my closet and there are all the new clothes i bought hanging on hangers. And my wallet was on my dresser with all $500. I hear the doorbell ring and it was my mom coming home from work. I noticed it was dark out, but hadn't it been only 5 minutes since i was home and it was still sunny out. So how did it suddenly get dark out? You know what, I give up.
Woke up feeling great, so great that i felt not so great. Told my mom I can't possibly go to school. She says too bad. Tell her I really can't and start crying and whining. Since she has to get to work and has no time to argue she reluctantly agrees. I felt kinda queezy that i got to stay home. I actually started to feel very sick. Palms sewaty, knees weak, arms heavy, felt like i was gonna throw up last night's spaghetti. So i dozed off for a while. Next thing i knew i was cruising in my firends car who was also "sick" and stayed home for the day. I had no idea how i ended up there. Everything before that moment in time was a complete and total blank. We were headed towards the mall. We walk into a store and i see alot of clothes i liked and wanted to buy, which made me mad and sad because i didnt have any money. I put my hands in my pockets and say "oh well." Then i suddenly felt something hard. Very hard. I wondered what it was to i pulled it out. I couldnt believe it. It was my wallet with $500 i won somewhere. But how did it end up there. I don't remember bringing it with me. But then again I dont remember much about this morning. I decided i wasn't gonna keep going over what i can't even remember and just go with it. I ended up blowing $480 on clothes and saved $20 for lunch. "Let's eat at McDonald's" I say. No response. I turn to look over at my right and left. I dont see my friend. I look behing me and still dont see him. And that's when i realized i hadn't seen my friend since we entered that first store. I was so caught up in all the fun and confusion of the situation I forgot all about him. I wondered if he had left me? Did I leave him? Did we just get separtaed in a large crowd? Did he go somewhere and tell me to wait for him? Where the heck is he? I sat down on a bench and tried hard to remember everything about this morning and when i was shopping. I look up and im sitting in McDonald's with a McChicken in my hand and two apple pies on my plate. How did I get here? "WOW!" I say to myself. This was by far the most confusing day of my life. Suddenly i felt sick again, like i did this morning and dozed off. Woke up and i was back in my friends car a block away from my house. I noticed all my bags were gone and so was my wallet. "WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I walk into my house up my room and open up my closet and there are all the new clothes i bought hanging on hangers. And my wallet was on my dresser with all $500. I hear the doorbell ring and it was my mom coming home from work. I noticed it was dark out, but hadn't it been only 5 minutes since i was home and it was still sunny out. So how did it suddenly get dark out? You know what, I give up.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
My Book
Right now I am reading "Slam" by Walter Dean Meyers. I am really interested in my book. Its really a great story about this kis who loves to play basketball and is really goood at it. Unfortunately his coach and teammates don't like him too much. Ofcourse he played his part in that as he has aleinated his teammates with his show off and flashy me first attitude. As a result he does not get the playing time he deserves. He is also not a very estudious person. At one point he was doing so bad in school that he waas in danger of not being able to try out for the team. He is also having girls problems, but once again he did play his part by making out with another girl in the back of his friends friends car. So far the book is very good and I look forward to finishing the book.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hate Reading
I don't like to read, books especially. Reading them takes up way too much time and gives me a headache. All those long confusing words, page after page, 100's of them. It almost never ends. That's why I don't read alot of books. Sometimes though I have to or other cases actually want to. I'm forced to read for and at school which sucks, but I end up having to do it. The times I DO want to read is when it is a magazine or reading online sports articles and interviews, not books. I honestly think I have never read a book just for fun, even when I was little.
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